A "Flash Packer's" Guide to Cambodia, Pt. 1

I'm back in Shanghai after a crazy 2 weeks traveling around Cambodia with my high school friend, Alena. There's a lot to say about what we did and saw out there, so we've decided to break it up into three parts, beginning with our journey from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap.

But first I feel like I should start this off by putting all of my cards on the table... Alena and I are not backpackers. Surprised? So were we. Nonetheless, we spent the majority of our time in Cambodia trying to convince ourselves the contrary... but we failed... rather miserably.  Instead, we were later dubbed "Flash Packers" by our travel writer friend, Greg. A flash packer, evidently, is a sort of mutation of a backpacker... we do actually own backpacks and we do actually "backpack" around, but we also are willing to spend slightly more money than backpackers on certain "luxuries". For your typical flash packer, luxuries apparently include amenities such as not having to sleep in sheets stained with someone else's bodily fluids or not having to share a bathroom with Cambodian prostitutes and probable sex offenders (story to come). For your typical flash packer, however, (aka us) these small "luxuries" are maintained as our standard. Anyways, as you'll begin to see, this is story of the adventures of two flash packers. 

Our first night/day in Phnom Penh was pretty uneventful... pretty much marked by our attempts to master the art of negotiating with the tuk tuk drivers for a better price so they could take us on a five minute ride (don't judge, our backpacks were heavy) to various palaces and pho noodle joints. So, we headed off to Siem Reap pretty early in the day in order to make it there at a reasonable hour. It's a 5+hour "bus" ride to Siem Reap, and (we learned this the very, very hard way) said busses were not equipped with bathrooms. Deciding to purchase and chug fresh coconut water before squeezing into a small bus with a bunch of Cambodians for a bumpy ride across the country was probably our first Flashpacker fail. Lucky for us, one of our fellow passengers happened to speak English and she soothed us with her soft words of "twenty more minutes until we stop for bathroom" as we suffered onwards in the back of our bouncing "bus". The local Cambodians made no effort to suppress their stares and chuckles as two Western girls (the only ones for miles, I might add) with empty coconut shells ran from the bus and through a little local restaurant to the bathrooms. Thankfully, we barely survived, both almost suffering from renal failure. This experience became Flash Packer Tip #1: think before intaking fluids and expecting a readily available bathroom when needed. And DO NOT, under any circumstances, buy and chug a coconut before getting on a bus for five hours.

The coconut culprit

We finally got to Siem Reap, bladders traumatised, but nonetheless with a great picture of what the unbelievable Cambodian countryside was like (houses on stilts, rice fields, villages, Buddhist temples, etc). We spent an awful first night in Siem Reap; imagine sheets and walls beautifully splattered and stained with unidentified bodily fluids in a stuffy airless room. Our first morning was rather interesting as well. Breakfast included rubber eggs and stale rolls filled with ants (ant-free bread wasn't too much to ask, right?). And after getting our bodies massacred by mosquitos while doing a spot of open-air yoga (note, all yoga in Cambodia was unintentionally Bikram yoga), we finally threw up our white flags and decided to switch to a different guesthouse. We're-not-fussy-at-all-we-just-want-clean-sheets-and-air-conditioning seemed to scream "Flash Packer" to everyone but us. Lucky for us, (again the Flash Packing gods seemed to be with us) we found a great place for the same price. The sheets were significantly less-stained (to the point where we didn't have to mummify ourselves in sarongs to sleep), the owners incredibly friendly and helpful, and the room was cool and airy. So in the end, we were happy and comfortable. 

Beautiful monks

After spending an exhausting second day visiting the famous and stunning temples of Cambodia at Angkor Wat and hanging out with Buddhist monks (we're trying to reach enlightenment, duh), we finally plopped down for dinner at a local Khmer restaurant to replenish our worn-down bodies and minds. We felt totally at peace and down to earth from our productive day, (nothing could have ruffled our feathers, not even stained sheets).... but we found ourselves unable to focus on the relaxation at hand, as we were being given an interesting show by two young female travellers, such as ourselves, from an unnamed Western European country. 

A sample of some of their dialogue: "Eh excuse me, zees salad eez not fresh. Eet tastes like eet was made yesterday. We ate 'ere yesterday, zees eez ridiculous." "Eh excuse me. We order our food before zey [us] did.. we are een a 'urry" (they stayed for 2 hours)... We were rather shocked and embarrassed by these rude young ladies ("young ladies" was not my original description of choice, by the way). Once again, we were in a Cambodian restaurant where the only way to even order was to point to the pictures of the food we wanted... What did they expect? And for the record, we ordered the same delicious mango salad and it was awesome. 

I mention this story as a reference to what we are NOT... we're lovers of clean sheets, maybe... but we're certainly not snobs. Despite our desires for certain "luxuries", we still were completely aware and sensitive to the fact that we were in a developing country. Unlike Thailand, Cambodia is incredibly raw and barely even has a hospitality industry. For us as travellers, that was all a huge part of the charm. But we learned from this instance and several others that many tourists who come here really do like to naively believe they can expect the same comforts from home in Cambodia (our question was, why come to Cambodia if you're coming with these western expectations, i.e. nightclubs with house music and happy hour and Khmer restaurants with five star service). No wonder western travellers get such an unfortunate reputation out here in the east. As mentioned, it was indeed embarrassing for us. The waitresses were obviously startled and we could tell that for the rest of our meal their disposition towards us had totally changed as well. Anyway, these two lovely girls were nowhere near as bad as the American teenaged girls humping each other on our boat ride the following week, but there's more to come on that. This brings us to Flash Packer Tip #2: keep an open mind when travelling in a developing country... and don't be a dumb asshole about stupid things. It wont get you anywhere.

The stunning Angkor Wat

Originally we had planned to stay in Siem Reap only for 2 or 3 nights, but we found ourselves there during the Khmer New Year holiday. We really appreciated all the blessings and colourful bracelets we were given, but unfortunately this also rendered it quite difficult to get around the country that week. In the end, we were fortuitous to get out of Siem Reap without having to take the 12-hour overnight bus down south. I'd rather spare everyone of the details, but our journey back to Phnom Penh ended with us being chauffeured around the  city in probably the only BMW to exist in Cambodia. (Side note: we are "Flash Packers" not millionaires. We were helped out by some nice friends). Funnily enough, the entire time in the car Alena and I kept laughing to each other about how we missed the tuk tuks and smog. We were still clearly at the point in our trip where we were pretending to be backpackers, despite the flight and beamer. We are very good at kidding ourselves, but, as they say, if it quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck... I suppose what we got from this experience was what I'll call Flash Packer Tip #3: there is no sense of urgency in the developing world, so when planning your domestic transportation, take that into consideration and either chill out or rearrange accordingly. Who knew that neither buses nor taxis would be available around the Khmer New Year? Not us. 

We spent another night in Phnom Penh (getting to know the city from a resident expat's point of view) before bussing it down south to the underworld that is Sihanoukville and the heaven that is the island of Koh Rong... this time without any coconut-related incidents, thank the kidney gods. 

Our experiences down south will be posts of their own, as we have a lot of commentary about them... but let's just say that within one week we ended up in both the worst and the best places I've ever seen in my life. So, until our next post (which will be written when Alena makes her way out to Shanghai next week), I'll leave you all with Flash Packer Tip #4: don't trust a traveller wearing ankle bracelets. Ever.

More to come on that soon.......

Springtime and Proposals

I realise it's been a while since my last post... I suppose that comes with the territory of living in such a fast-paced city.  Going on the theme of things that seem to happen only in China, I'm going to focus on something that's (no surprise) only happened to me here.

Yesterday (Monday) seems to have marked the beginning of spring out here... well that, and the way I tend to sweat profusely every time I step outside now. But I can't complain about bidding adieu to the Shanghai winter. Everyone out here seems to be feeling the spring-inspired happiness (and influx of vitamin D we've been so horrifically deprived of), and you know what they say, spring is the season of love.

With the season of love, however, comes a barrage of questions from locals here about my personal life.. Remember how a while ago I mentioned that their idea of personal space differed greatly from mine? Well, it seems to extend beyond the physical, as well. I've had the pleasure of being "proposed" to twice in the past two days, both by cab drivers taking me to work in the morning... nothing like the affection of a 50/60/70-year old man with an incomplete set of teeth to start my day with a kick.  I made the mistake yesterday morning of telling the cab driver that I didn't have a boyfriend (yes, a very, very common question out here from anyone and everyone who gets the chance to talk to a girl.. in fact, the most common question I'm asked when I'm with a male friend is "is he your boyfriend?" to which I normally laugh awkwardly, because the answer is usually no..) Anyway, so once my suitor-in-question learned of my relationship status, things got awkward.

Let me elucidate: after asking me about my age/birthday/origin/job/pretty much everything about me except for my favourite type of food (oh wait, he actually did that too), Mr Cab Driver finally got down to business. The word "to get married" is new to me in Chinese, so it was only after a few minutes of awkward hand movements (perhaps meant to signify one's marriage night) that I realised what exactly he was trying to suggest to me. That, and he kept pointing to himself and to me... yeah... I don't need to say more... in the end it was kind of endearing though.. if you can consider a sexual proposal from a toothless man endearing.. but such is life I suppose. Love is in the air.

Then, today, funnily enough, I had another similar experience.  This time, however, I learned to answer the boyfriend question with a "yes" (you'd think after 5 months I'd know where the question normally leads). However, rather than barrage me with marriage proposals of his own, the driver then started asking me when I was going to get married, why I wasn't married yet, that I should (yet again) get married in 4 years, is he good looking? what does he do?, etc.  I decided rather than go down the route of making up a fake boyfriend (or going into fake details about him), I would try to avert the conversation topic... but not after hearing about his son who I should consider meeting...

Once again I started laughing and saying "no, no too young, too young" (to get married) to which the driver replied "ohhhh sallee sallee!! (sorry)". It was cute.. and then he quickly changed the subject and started teaching me some Chinese words (marriage and u-turn.. how appropriate, no?)

I guess the point of these flattering anecdotes is that I've found out here people tend to really put a big emphasis on the relationship status of females.. I have been asked "is he your boyfriend" or "do you have a boyfriend" more times combined than "what's your name" and "how old are you"... I suppose priorities just differ from place to place.. but as much as I'd love to marry a man 4 times my age, I think I'll stick to my guns (and age-range) for the sake of my sanity.. or his...

Then again, age is just a number (as they say), and I'd likely drive anyone to insanity... perhaps the benefits of taking on a husband 4 times my senior would be his probable lack of hearing... I wonder what the Chinese think of May-December unions?

"Good impregnated boy"

I still can't conjure up the right words to describe how I feel about the below observation:

On my way home from work one night this week, I stopped by one of the thousands of (pirated) DVD street stands to pick up 5 movies (as one does out here).  In China, (pirated) DVDs cost around 5 yuan each.. or 50 pence/75 US cents.  It's impossible to resist.  Most of the time, the DVDs are actually great quality, as they're taken from good sources.. and all of these movies come ready-made with English subtitles.  Good, right?  Not so much.  I'm not really going to go into my personal theory about who in the world has the wonderfully amusing job of writing pirated Chinese DVD subtitles... but I'll let you form your own opinion based on samples from The Adventures of Tin Tin (don't judge, it was my favourite childhood book... and not as R-rated as the subtitles may suggest). I think these speak for themselves:

Movie: Tell me what you paid, and I'll give you double.
Subtitle: How much did you pay your penis? Hepatica double the price.

(WHAT????)

Movie: Then let me appeal to your better nature.
Subtitle: Let us then invoke a build environment.

Movie: Look what you did.
Subtitle: See you made a measurement.

(I seriously need to find a way to break into this market.  Suggestions welcome.)

Movie: That depends what you're looking for.
Subtitle: Depends on the penis measurements were looking for.

Movie: Goodnight, sir.
Subtitle: Good employee, sir.

Movie: Well done, my boy
Subtitle: Good impregnated boy.


So, on the plus side, we're paying basically nothing for DVDs out here... but the downside is that I, personally, never get around to actually seeing the movies I try to buy... I'm glued to the subtitles.  Only in China, I suppose... yet again.

Another hellish journey to another paradise

My friend Chris and I decided to take a small vacation and hop on down to Thailand for a week to escape the Shanghai winter.  After a splendid night and day in Bangkok, it was time to start the journey to get down to Koh Phangnan island in time for the famous Half Moon Jungle party... and our trip was nothing short of a test of our wills to survive.

In Thailand, even Ronald McDonald is zen

We were on a budget, so we decided to book an overnight train, followed by a ferry to the island.  Once we were on the sleeper, exhausted from a day of sight-seeing and desperate to rejuvenate ourselves before arriving on the island, we decided it would be cool to make friends with our train-mates, if you will, as we'd be spending the next 12 hours next to them.  Sadly, however, it took all of about 5 minutes for us to realise that this was a bad idea.  Our neighbours, a couple of Australian students on vacation, didn't seem to understand the following words: quiet, calm, subtle, peace, and once again, quiet.

Much desired peace and quiet found in the gardens of a Buddhist school

I won't go into the details about how I had the pleasure of listening to them hit on 2 Hungarian girls for 6, yes 6, straight hours.  Nor will I go into specifics about how they complained about the weather in Thailand for 2 straight hours before distracting themselves with their female companions.  But my personal favourite, coming from the Peace and Justice Studies student circa 12.30am (when everyone on the train was asleep save our friends), was this "cute" attempt to make one of the Hungarians laugh:

"That girl in that bed is Palestinian", he attempted to croon, to which she replied (with a horrible attempt at a flirtatious giggle): "Oh, so what if someone is Jewish?" "She'll shoot them."

Well, if I'd had a gun at this specific moment in time, I certainly would have shot it.  Directly at the "Peace and Justice Studies" student who, hours before, pretended to take great interest in my background.. Well, I admit that I can sympathise with an awkward boy trying to impress a girl... but this would have been one of the worst attempts of hitting on someone that I've ever witnessed if it weren't for one small detail.  The damn Hungarian actually laughed at the "joke".  So loudly, in fact, that it woke up half of the train.  So, one poor attempt at making the girl laugh was actually received well by the girl... too bad my imaginary gun didn't have two bullets in it... I'd have named them "peace" and "justice".

It was finally 1am when our friends decided to retire for the evening, giving the rest of us 5 uninterrupted hours of sleep before the sun came up.  How thoughtful, really.

Buddha was protecting our Ozzie "mates"

Anyway, once we did finally wake up, we were in the middle of the Thai bush, supposedly minutes away from Surat Thani (our destination).  I was a little nervous, as I had no idea where we were, and I kept imagining my parents freaking out at the prospect of me hiking through the jungle without the smallest clue as to what I was doing... nothing out of character for me, but let's be real, one tends to be rather selective when telling their parents about the less than thought out things they do.

But as the sun started rising, all of my fears, rather my parents' imaginary fears, drifted away.  I'd found another paradise.  It's hard to imagine that a place like the Thai jungle (and especially Koh Phangnan island) is even on the same earth as Shanghai, which lacks any and all nature... save the plant in my living room (and keeping that alive is a struggle enough). But, damn, it was good to know that it still existed.

Sunrise in the Thai jungle

And we skipped off the train happily (rather ecstatically knowing that we were finally rid of the Ozzies), expecting to be at hour hotel in a matter of hours.  Granted, the lady at the tourism agency assured us that once we got off the train, it would be a 15-minute shuttle bus and 1 and a half hour ferry to the island.  Wrong.  It was a 2 and a half hour bus ride followed by a 2 and a half hour ferry (where we were sadly forced to sit near our Hungarian companions)... not as horrible of a journey as one might expect; however, it would have been lovely to be mentally prepared. As the minutes passed, and we had no idea how long it would actually be until we reached destination, we grew more and more anxious about what exactly it was that we'd gotten ourselves into.  But finally the moment came.  The ferry docked on the wonderful island, and we were free to roam as we pleased.

So, after more than 18 hours of travelling, we finally made it to the real paradise. (I use the term loosely here... we were shuttled in the back of an old pick-up truck to our shanty-town bungalow hotel/construction site... a rather off-putting end to our journey until we actually reached the beach and saw that we were in good hands).

I often wonder why I do this to myself... endure these crazy measures to get to places that I've only heard about in movies (and failed to research before heading there).  But I guess nothing that spectacular comes easily.  Well, actually, had we flown down, the journey would not have been quite so arduous, but it was certainly worth it to get to see the Thai countryside... once.  (Admittedly, I flew home due solely to the petrifying thought that I might encounter the Australians again and prove their shooting prophecy true). But all in all, the trip was worth every second.

Sunset on the Thai beach

I'd like to go into more details about our adventures on the island, but we made a pact that what happened in Thailand stays in Thailand (insert collective rolling of the eyes here)... not to worry though, we wrote the best of the stories down so that they can be revealed on the timely occasion of one of our weddings.  So, whoever gets married first will be lucky enough to have our antics told to all their friends and family, who will all hopefully be too drunk to remember anyway.  But for now, I'm going to close the vault on Thailand until the time is right, and continue telling my Shanghai story for those of you who remain interested. Until next time... 

The world's worst pickpocket

This is a story about perhaps one of the weirder attempts to break the law that I've ever witnessed..

I decided to walk home from work tonight, physical activity being rarity for me out here because I'm too unmotivated to join a gym and the pollution makes it bad to run outside... (ok fine, I just don't like exercising). Anyway, so I was walking down a pretty crowded street with nice malls sprinkled around at every other block (welcome to China), and I turned onto a smaller street and felt the presence of someone rather close behind me.  Granted, out here, the laws of what is socially acceptable as appropriate physical proximity differ greatly from those in the west.. so I didn't think too much about it.

So, I'm walking around with my headphones in tucked neatly behind my huge earmuffs (which also happen to slightly block my peripheral view), and a great song comes on my iphone, so I start moving my head back and forth and thinking about how in 72 hours, I'll be hanging up my winter jacket for the week and heading south for a vacation (head in the clouds, as always).  As a result of my awkward movement down the street, I assumed that the creeper behind me was just trying to get past me so he/she/it could walk faster along the street and away from the crazy, bouncing westerner that was me. But then, the unthinkable happened.  My music stopped... mid-song; mid-thoughts of white sandy beaches and warm sun.  Being so abruptly forced to return to back to the freezing reality of Shanghai is really just not ok.

I turned around and saw the shadow that was once behind me now directly to my left, and I looked at him, raised my eyebrows like a mother who just caught her horribly unsubtle child elbows-deep in the cookie jar (we've all been that kid), and to my disbelief, the guy smiled at me, returned my phone to me, winked at me, and walked away.  I started laughing at him as he walked away, and he kept looking back at me sheepishly, somewhat smiling, somewhat panicked about what I might do... and I kept looking back at him laughing.  Granted, it was pure luck that I had that awkward and accusatory expression on my face when I turned to him (maybe I have permanent skink-eye, who knows), but his reaction slash attempt to wink his way out of it was even funnier.

I'm not sure what to make of the situation... except that I definitely got lucky that he returned my phone to me.  Maybe it was the gaping crack on the back of my phone, or maybe it was pity as he saw me snap back into sad reality, but either way, I don't care.. except now I have to spend the evening backing up every little detail of my phone in case it happens again.  I hate the thought of losing the "notepad" on my phone... filled with the random thoughts that pop into my head every day (trust me, I need the phone to keep track of them, because people certainly don't want or need to hear them).

Moral of the story? I would say don't listen to music while walking because that's what pickpockets target.. but that's exactly how I realised that my phone went missing.  From now on though, I'm definitely going to practice giving out dirty (and pathetic) looks in the mirror.. I'm convinced that's what got my phone back.  Only in China...